Thinking about therapy can bring up almost as many questions as answers. What am I supposed to talk about? Is what I’m dealing with really serious enough? How will I know whether it’s helping — or whether I’ve found the right therapist?

I wrote this page to bring together a few reflections on those questions. You can start reading from the beginning, or simply start with whichever question feels closest to where you are right now…

Where would you like to start?

What actually happens in therapy?

If you’ve never had therapy before, it’s normal to feel unsure about what to expect.

You might wonder: “What do I talk about? Will I be analysed? Will they just sit there in silence?”

A therapy session can feel more like a calm, open conversation than you might expect. You’re invited to talk about what’s been going on, what’s felt heavy, or whatever’s on your mind that day. Sometimes that’s a recent situation. Sometimes it’s a pattern you’re noticing. Sometimes it’s just a feeling that something isn’t quite right.

Different therapists work in different ways. In my own sessions, I’ll listen closely, ask questions, reflect back what I’m hearing and help us explore whatever feels important. At times I might offer a different perspective, or suggest a practical tool or strategy if that feels useful. You can also say when you’re not ready to talk about something, ask to slow down, or take a moment if things feel overwhelming. The aim isn’t to analyse your every word or try to ‘fix’ you, but to make sense of things together, at your pace.

The first session might feel a bit different. You’re meeting someone new, and there will be some practical ground to cover — things like confidentiality and boundaries, what has brought you to therapy, and what you might like from it.

The aim of therapy isn’t to change who you are. It’s to have space to explore, untangle, and perhaps understand yourself a little better.

What if I don’t know what to say?

Showing up unsure is a completely valid place to begin. Not everyone comes to therapy with a name for what they’re feeling. Some people arrive with a clear issue in mind. Others come carrying something heavy and hard to explain — just a sense that something’s not right.

You might be feeling stuck, foggy, exhausted, tearful, irritable, numb — or some blend of all of it.

It’s okay if your thoughts feel unclear. You don’t have to lay it all out neatly. This isn’t about presenting a polished version of what you’re feeling — it’s about giving those feelings space to be seen and heard.

Therapy doesn’t always begin in a straight line. If you’ve been holding things in for a long time, they might come out in fragments, or in a jumble… or not at all, at first.

You don’t need to worry about saying the right thing. You might begin with what’s been feeling heavy lately, or something you keep circling back to. Perhaps there’s a pattern you’ve noticed but don’t understand, or you simply want to talk about what made you reach out now. And sometimes we can just begin wherever your thoughts take you.

Together, we can sit with what’s there and make sense of it in your own time. Therapy is about meeting yourself — not getting it right.

Is what I’m struggling with “enough” for therapy?

Maybe you’ve had the thought: “Other people have it worse…” Maybe you’ve even typed out a message to a therapist — then deleted it, thinking: “This probably isn’t a big enough deal. I’m just being dramatic.”

Suffering doesn’t always look the same. One person’s pain might be loud and visible; another’s might be quiet and persistent. Neither is more or less valid.

You don’t need to be in crisis or experiencing a life-altering event for therapy to be worthwhile, and there’s no threshold you have to cross before reaching out. Sometimes what brings people in is a quieter sense that something feels off — that life is harder than it should be, or that you’re not quite okay, even if things “look fine” on the outside.

You might be navigating a build-up of stress or worry that won’t switch off, or you might have some big feelings about something others might see as “small”. Perhaps you’ve experienced a less obvious kind of loss, like a friendship shift, missed opportunity, or change in identity. Maybe there’s a pattern you keep falling into, even though you want to change it… None of these things have to be “justified” to matter. If it matters to you, it matters.

And here’s a thought: therapy doesn’t always have to begin with pain — it can also be about moving towards something. Sometimes people come to therapy because they want more clarity, more confidence, more space to understand themselves — to feel more like themselves again, or perhaps for the first time.

Therapy can be a space for whatever feels important enough to understand more deeply. You don’t need to “qualify” for it.

What if progress in therapy feels slow or uneven?

At some point in therapy, you might find yourself thinking, “But I thought I was doing better?”

You may have had a few good days, with things beginning to feel lighter — and then suddenly there’s a hard moment, an old pattern, or a wave of doubt. This can feel disheartening and it can be tempting to think, “I’m back to square one” — but it’s actually a really common part of the process.

Progress can sometimes mean circling around the same theme more than once, but meeting it with a little more awareness each time.

You’re learning as you go — and some of the biggest shifts are the ones that feel most subtle. You might find yourself responding differently to something that would have overwhelmed you; taking a breath instead of spiralling; feeling more able to say no, or yes, or “I don’t know yet.” That might not feel like progress at first glance — but it matters.

Some sessions might bring clarity or release. Others might feel slow, frustrating, or like you’re going in circles. Even sessions that feel messy or unproductive can sometimes be part of the process. They may give you space to notice something that isn’t clear yet, or simply to stay with something you would usually move away from.

The wobbles don’t necessarily mean you’re going backwards. Sometimes they’re part of finding your way.

What if therapy doesn’t feel right?

Therapy is a very human relationship. It’s about a sense of connection, understanding, and ease. It’s valid to care how it feels to sit with someone — whether that’s in-person, or over video, phone, or live chat.

Sometimes therapy feels helpful from the start. Sometimes it takes a few sessions. It’s also okay if you notice the tone, pace, or structure doesn’t quite match what you need.

You may decide that a particular therapist or way of working simply isn’t the right fit for you. That’s okay too. Therapists work differently. Some are more structured, others more reflective. Some move fast, others take their time. What matters most is whether you feel met in a way that suits you.

Therapy works best when there’s room to talk about the process itself — what’s helping, what isn’t, and whether the way you’re working together feels right for you. During therapy with me, I’ll regularly check in with you, not just about what we’re exploring, but about how the process feels. If something isn’t landing, we’ll talk about it and adjust together. If something feels helpful, we’ll notice that too and build on it.

I believe that therapy works best when it can be shaped around you — not the other way round.