It can feel like second nature

Maybe you’re the reliable one. The helper. The person everyone comes to, knowing you’ll say yes.

You might shrug things off with “it’s fine” or “it’s not a big deal,” even when it is. You might tell yourself other people’s needs matter more — or that putting yourself first would somehow be selfish, indulgent, or even dangerous.

Over time, it can become a pattern. You meet everyone else’s needs — and quietly abandon your own.

Where does this come from?

Putting yourself last isn’t a flaw. Often, it starts as a way to stay safe or connected.

Maybe you learned early on that being “good” or low-maintenance got you praise — or at least kept you out of trouble. Maybe you grew up in a home where other people’s emotions took up all the space. Maybe you were a caretaker before you were ever cared for.

And sometimes, people-pleasing or over-functioning becomes a way to feel needed, valued, or in control — especially when life feels unpredictable or unsafe.

But at what cost?

You might look like you’re coping — but feel tired, resentful, or invisible underneath.

When you constantly prioritise others, your own needs don’t just disappear. They get pushed down, silenced, or stored away… and they still want to be heard.

This can lead to:

• Burnout or chronic exhaustion
• Difficulty making decisions for yourself
• Trouble receiving support or kindness
• A quiet sense of anger, grief, or numbness

Change doesn’t mean swinging the other way

If this pattern feels familiar, you might worry that doing anything differently will make you selfish, or uncaring.

But balance doesn’t mean becoming self-centred — it means learning to include yourself in the care you give so freely to others.

That often starts with boundaries — not as a wall, but as a way of protecting your energy, time, and emotional capacity. It’s a way of honouring your limits, without guilt.

It also means practising self-compassion — meeting yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to everyone else. That might sound simple, but for many people, it’s deeply unfamiliar… and deeply healing.

Small steps might look like:

• Pausing before you say yes
• Noticing how you really feel about something
• Practising small moments of refusal, rest, or receiving
• Letting “no” be an act of care – not conflict

These aren’t selfish. They’re signs of self-connection.

In therapy, we can explore where this started — and what could be different

You don’t need to unpick it all at once.
In fact, the work often begins by simply noticing the pattern — naming it, exploring where it might come from, and getting curious about how it shows up now.

From there, small shifts can begin to unfold:

• Allowing yourself to take up a little more space
• Feeling your feelings without guilt or minimising
• Trusting that your needs matter too

You don’t need to go it alone — and you don’t have to wait for burnout to begin caring for yourself.